Bruce Willis Finds a Whole New Meaning for the Phrase 'Rubber Check'

Bruce Willis invested $2 million in a Malaysian company for a "revolutionary technology to produce devulcanised green rubber." This green rubber was hailed as being non-toxic and recyclable.

The companies in receipt of the Willis millions, Elastomer Technologies and The Petra Group, run by HRH Prince Imran Ibni Tuanku Ja'afar and Datuk Vinod B. Sekhar, guaranteed their investor that this was a no risk investment and that Willis could put in an option that would allow him to demand his money back at any time.

Willis applied the option but says he's been short changed, getting only a percentage of his money back; he claims he is still owed $900,000. And he wants it back, now!

TMZ

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 04:33 AM | Permalink

Ford Invest More than a Dime in Happy Together

Remember the ubiquitous sound of 1967 - when the Turtles were 'Happy Together?'

Well they're not so happy anymore, or at least the copyright holders to the song aren't anyway. When the Ford Motor Company used the song to advertise its products in Brazil and Argentina, the copyright holding company insists that it's rights were violated.

Now that was a call that cost more than a dime; Ford is now being sued for more than $200,000 in damages.

TMZ

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 04:24 AM | Permalink

Woman's Sense of Smell Saves the Day

Wyoming municipal employee, Brandon Raz, pleaded not guilty today to charges of twice ejaculating into the water bottle of a female co-worker.

The woman complained after drinking it that water from her bottle "smelled and tasted as if it had been contaminated by seminal fluid." That's because it had been. Top marks for her senses of taste and smell.

It wasn't until a month later, however, that the woman complained to the police after once again sniffing the contents of her water bottle and detecting the aroma of what she believed to be semen.

After being confronted by the DNA evidence, Raz admitted to a detective that he masturbated and ejaculated into his colleague's water bottle on two occasions.

Raz has been charged with misdemeanor battery, stalking, and attempted battery counts, each of which carries a maximum penalty of six months in prison and a $750 fine.

Disgusting. Got good aim though, hasn't he?

Smoking Gun

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:42 AM | Permalink

Civil War Between the Haves and the Have Mores

In Beverly Hills, the South Beverly Park Homeowners Association is suing the North Beverly Park Homeowners Association because the hired help for the South side have been blocked from getting to work via the North side.

The North Side is the more elite of the two areas, although those in the the South Side aren't short of a dollar or two. And North is where Barry Bonds, Rod Stewart, Sly Stallone and Denzel Washington reside.

So elite are the Northerners that they don't think lesser mortals should be using their territory as a rat run, which is why housekeepers and gardeners have been forced to take a seven-mile detour to enter on the South.

The trial starts today.

TMZ

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:33 AM | Permalink

What Sort of Pasta is That, Then?

Keith Weatherley was spotted acting in a suspicious manner and has been fined £257 for offensive behavior, resisting police, and disobeying a police direction. He was parked at Nobbys Beach in Australia and, as you read on, you will realize just how apt that location was.

Suspecting that Weatherley might be armed, the police approached his car with weapons at the ready but Weatherley sped off the minute he spotted them.

Police gave chase but when Weatherley finally stopped the vehicle, he refused to exit the car. Officers used batons and spray to remove him - and that was when they discovered he had a a 750ml pasta jar around his penis. Weatherley continued to 'pleasure himself in between bouts of wrestling.'

Items found in the car by police included pornography, a home-made sex aid, women's stockings, and a Jack Russell terrier. I don't even want to hazard a guess...

Weatherley, who was fined in the region of $600, said he resisted police because he was 'trying to make himself decent.'
.

Metro

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 03:40 AM | Permalink

Sean Stewart Sued for Muscles He Hasn't Got

I don't know if you've seen pictures of Sean Stewart but you don't really need to, just look at Stewart Senior - neither of them are Charles Atlas doubles.

This being the case, you'd be surprised to hear that Sean Stewart has worked with a personal trainer - and for four months too, at least, that's the amount of unpaid work trainer Xavier Dezlie is suing the young Hot Rod for anyway.

The total owed for four months is, apparently, $3,857. Looking at Sean Stewart, it's hardly surprising he hasn't paid. If he thought he was buying muscle and bulk, he was robbed!

Oh, and the case is being filed in the Small Claims Court. Apt; very apt.

TMZ

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 02:57 AM | Permalink

This Crook Should Watch His Diet

When police went to arrest Bernard Wood on burglary charges they found 78 bags of stolen popcorn in his home.

Wood, who stole appliances, jewelery, and tools from several homes was, apparently, fond of raiding the refrigerators of his victims.

Police caught him by matching his fingerprints to greasy ones left on an orange juice bottle at one of the crime scenes - where they also found the remnants of a chicken.

The Very Hungry Burglar was sentenced Friday to six years in prison after being found guilty of three counts of burglary and two counts of grand larceny.

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 03:57 AM | Permalink

Mathematical Ability Goes Through the Window

The following is from a piece about the current levels of mathematics incompetence that has spread like a rash through all levels of society.

A 31-year-old man paid $10.99 for a new hammer. Then he used the hammer to break a liquor store window so he could steal an $8.99 bottle of wine. Allegedly.

The burglar told his arresting officers that he bought the hammer after he couldn't break the glass with a rock.

There are numerous other examples in the article but what really made me giggle was the opening paragraph:

Last spring, for example, only 49 percent - or two thirds - of Washington high school sophomores were able to pass the math part of the WASL test.

I do hope the writer was being cleverly ironic...

SR.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 03:47 AM | Permalink

Please Do Not Return to Sender!

A German prisoner made his great escape by mailing himself via FedEx.

Hans Lang, a 42-year-old drug dealer, hid in the laundry room until other inmates had finished work and, when the coast was clear, he bundled himself up in dirty bed linen inside the large FedEx box.

The package was then loaded onto a van and driven through the prison gates. The fugitive is understood to have waited until the driver made his next stop before getting out of the box, picking the lock on the back of the van and running off into nearby woods.

The escape was uncovered when the driver saw the empty box and realized somebody had picked the lock to his van - from the inside.

Life imitating art?

Ananova

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:24 AM | Permalink

Okay, Who do I Write To?

A would-be bank robber is being held on $25,000 bail after his attempted robbery at a Pennsylvania bank.

After learning that the bank had no cash on hand to give him, robber Joseph Goetz fled the scene, vowing to file an official complaint as he did so.

It really wasn't Goetz' day: a customer using the bank's drive-thru services noticed him fleeing the scene and followed him. The unidentified customer then called police, who stopped Goetz's vehicle and arrested him on suspicion of attempting to commit a robbery.

API

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:05 AM | Permalink